I am rethinking my whole life and the paths I am taking are being turned upside down. So weird for me to actually admit to myself that what I am doing right now isn't what I know I need. Champlain? I don't even know anymore. I am going with my heart and doing what I feel I need to do for the happiest future. That pretty much means not going back to Champlain. My career path is headed in a Marketing/Advertising direction, but I know that I do not want to life in or around a city which I would most likely have to if I continued with it and got a job eventually in that field. I want to help people and make them happy and realize the beauty in themselves and in life. I want to live somewhere surrounded by nature nature nature. Champlain is draining me in the finance department and I know that the courses offered aren't nearly as extensive and interesting as the ones offered at UMass Amherst which I could go to for less than half the price of Champlain because I recieved free tuition. My education will be much better and I would save money it's what I need to do. Vermont changed me in so many ways and I would never take back anything I learned or experienced in the past year at Champlain, but it's time for me to move on and work towards my happy perfect future. Doing this makes me feel like I have control over my life and I am happy with my decisions. Now telling my friends is going to be most excruciating. Help!
And I miss Nick; talking to him for hours on end everyday is necessary to keep me sane, but it's driving me to insanity at the same time not being able to touch him, and see the reassurance in his eyes, and kiss him, and walk around on the beach with him in the middle of the night, and play with him and fight with him and be just happy with him. august can't come soon enough.
Work starts tomorrow at Senior Aerospace. My orientation for Bertuccis is tomorrow evening so hopefully I'll be starting there soon as well. And the 26th is my first babysitting day at Elite and I am looking forward to getting back to the gym. Goo, let's see how I can hold up working 3 jobs.
VW GTI here I come!
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
happenstance
hahahahahaha what a fantastic entry. i was hammer time no doubt.
anywayz that boy i mentioned, yea big stories.
his name is nick. he is 24 and he lives in destin fl. he and eileen grew up together and their families are super duper close so that's why he was at her party. anyways we ended up together the night of her party, drunk but coherent and we made sexy time and then woke up next to each other. i was out of it in the morning, but as soon as i saw him i was brought back to earth and he smiled at me and said goodmorning. now he was supposed to go to the tpc golf tournament or whatnot that was happening in jax and then get a ride back home from his buddy clay. clay turned out to be a sketch and called nick to tell him that he didnt have any room in the car for him, so basically nick was stuck. things happen for a reason and i was happy to learn that i'd have another day and night with him. we spent the day outside. honeysuckle. skateboarding. kisses. mimosas. it was a great time. and then we walked along the beach at night and talked forever. we connected on so many different levels, levels i didn't even knew existed. all he wanted to do was make me smile. and he did just that. we slept side by side after he spent hours rubbing my back and kissing my neck and shoulders. he told me how i caught his eye the very first time we were introduced and that he was caught completely off gaurd and knew he needed to get know more about me. the next day he planned on renting a car to drive home, but due to the forest fires in florida and georgia the route he would take to get back to destin was closed. he was stranded yet again, but it was good news to me. we golfed and played wii and walked along the beach again. i got swiff kicked and laughed and we caught a puffer fish and played on a sail boat. i learned so much about him. our connection grew and grew. he wrote me notes and sang to me and held me tight every chance he could. it all felt pretty surreal and i still can't believe some of what i've been feeling. never have i felt so incredibly close to someone so fast. he is back home now and i won't see him for a while.
we are planning a trip to tennessee to stay in his families unbelieveable cabin in the mountains. he and i and eileen and some of our friends at the beginning of august. i will count down the days until i see him again. until then we will keep in touch, and distance will be tough but i am confident that when we see each other nothing will have changed.
anywayz that boy i mentioned, yea big stories.
his name is nick. he is 24 and he lives in destin fl. he and eileen grew up together and their families are super duper close so that's why he was at her party. anyways we ended up together the night of her party, drunk but coherent and we made sexy time and then woke up next to each other. i was out of it in the morning, but as soon as i saw him i was brought back to earth and he smiled at me and said goodmorning. now he was supposed to go to the tpc golf tournament or whatnot that was happening in jax and then get a ride back home from his buddy clay. clay turned out to be a sketch and called nick to tell him that he didnt have any room in the car for him, so basically nick was stuck. things happen for a reason and i was happy to learn that i'd have another day and night with him. we spent the day outside. honeysuckle. skateboarding. kisses. mimosas. it was a great time. and then we walked along the beach at night and talked forever. we connected on so many different levels, levels i didn't even knew existed. all he wanted to do was make me smile. and he did just that. we slept side by side after he spent hours rubbing my back and kissing my neck and shoulders. he told me how i caught his eye the very first time we were introduced and that he was caught completely off gaurd and knew he needed to get know more about me. the next day he planned on renting a car to drive home, but due to the forest fires in florida and georgia the route he would take to get back to destin was closed. he was stranded yet again, but it was good news to me. we golfed and played wii and walked along the beach again. i got swiff kicked and laughed and we caught a puffer fish and played on a sail boat. i learned so much about him. our connection grew and grew. he wrote me notes and sang to me and held me tight every chance he could. it all felt pretty surreal and i still can't believe some of what i've been feeling. never have i felt so incredibly close to someone so fast. he is back home now and i won't see him for a while.
we are planning a trip to tennessee to stay in his families unbelieveable cabin in the mountains. he and i and eileen and some of our friends at the beginning of august. i will count down the days until i see him again. until then we will keep in touch, and distance will be tough but i am confident that when we see each other nothing will have changed.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
whooooooooooa!
i will start this out honestly... i'm a bit drunk.
anyway this is eileens day... my sister, she graduated from law school.. and wooooow! she is just amazing... i hope i can be half the woman that she turned out to be. yeshhhhhhhhh! (:
my dad was a bit septical going to be going to her grad party... but he is soooo good (:
such a good night.
i am going to kiss a boy??!?!?!? i want a girl.. butttttt he is one boy536484
kthat i waaaaant.... yes.. i have to tighten the skateboard truucks! fo em!
anyway this is eileens day... my sister, she graduated from law school.. and wooooow! she is just amazing... i hope i can be half the woman that she turned out to be. yeshhhhhhhhh! (:
my dad was a bit septical going to be going to her grad party... but he is soooo good (:
such a good night.
i am going to kiss a boy??!?!?!? i want a girl.. butttttt he is one boy536484
kthat i waaaaant.... yes.. i have to tighten the skateboard truucks! fo em!
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Happiness exists
I have been so happy lately.
Things so far are good.
I get to go to Florida on Thursday to see my sister!
annnnd I will meet her family for the first time ever, weird.
I get to go to Florida on Thursday to see my sister!
annnnd I will meet her family for the first time ever, weird.
But exciting as well.
I got two jobs today which brings my grand total up to 3!
Carolyn is going to be a busy bee this summer, $$$
Internship at SeniorAerospace,
Bertucci's in Cobb's Corner waitresssssing,
and Elite Fitness Center watchin' the babies (:
All of my money will be going towards my transportation.
What I want most of all is this little puppy...
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah<3
love it so much.
Whilst visiting my love Caityyy at the lovely JCC tonight
I saw that exact automobile parked next to hers.
As I proceeded to babble about how much I wanted one she informed me that it belonged to her coworker... his name escapes me at the moment...... eeeeeek.
anyhow I was introduced to this man and he told me that he would sell it to me.
Now he isn't advertising it,
he isn't trying to sell it,
but he said he would sell if I came up with the money.
It's a 2000, in amazing condition, 77k-ish miles, GTI logo removed, perfect interior.
OHH OH OH OH HOW I DREAM!
I want this more than anything.
and I am going to work my tush off all summer long
in order to get my sore hands on it and my tired tush inside of it.
WELP BEDTIME!
NITE NITE.
DREAMING OF THE CAR (:
I got two jobs today which brings my grand total up to 3!
Carolyn is going to be a busy bee this summer, $$$
Internship at SeniorAerospace,
Bertucci's in Cobb's Corner waitresssssing,
and Elite Fitness Center watchin' the babies (:
All of my money will be going towards my transportation.
What I want most of all is this little puppy...
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah<3
love it so much.
Whilst visiting my love Caityyy at the lovely JCC tonight
I saw that exact automobile parked next to hers.
As I proceeded to babble about how much I wanted one she informed me that it belonged to her coworker... his name escapes me at the moment...... eeeeeek.
anyhow I was introduced to this man and he told me that he would sell it to me.
Now he isn't advertising it,
he isn't trying to sell it,
but he said he would sell if I came up with the money.
It's a 2000, in amazing condition, 77k-ish miles, GTI logo removed, perfect interior.
OHH OH OH OH HOW I DREAM!
I want this more than anything.
and I am going to work my tush off all summer long
in order to get my sore hands on it and my tired tush inside of it.
WELP BEDTIME!
NITE NITE.
DREAMING OF THE CAR (:
Friday, May 4, 2007
flashback to coming home from school...
back in stoughton, giving my optimism an honest try in a town i never thought i belonged. honestly, i'm going to trying. you see, burlington is a place unlike any other, a place i never wanted to leave. and as much as i was torn in two saying goodbye to my utopia, it makes me happy to know that i now have a newly developed outlook on life to try out here. i was never crazy about this town, never considered it my own. coming back to this place after eight months of being in heaven was unnerving at first, but alas reality happens. i value life to the fullest. and people. and the universe. that includes stoughton. i'm ready to give it the chance it always deserved, but i was never ready to give. i'm finally ready and smiling at the thought of finding out it's secrets and uncovering it's treasures.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
XXX
I have an addiction to WorkOut, the show on BRAVO. Yeah. Huge crush on Jackie.
INSPIRATIOoooooN.
I've been going to the gym errryday, it's a nice change to my normal daily workout routine,
which included walking up the 11 stairs from my room in the basement and... yea that's pretty much it.
I'm headed back to Jacksonville to visit Eileen again on MAY 10th until the 18th, that's in 7 days,
so I'm trying to get in the best shape I can, plaaaaaahahahaha. I can actually see some improvements tho (:
This is waiting for me when I get to FL... <3
it is my birthday gift from Eileen.
So I have to make sure I can fit into it, ha.
fingers are crossed.
Yeah, I have a date with my bestfriend Kims mom at 12:30 tomorrow afternoon to go to Elite.
That's my gym. We've been going together, cute huh?? (:
I need sleep, nite.
INSPIRATIOoooooN.
I've been going to the gym errryday, it's a nice change to my normal daily workout routine,
which included walking up the 11 stairs from my room in the basement and... yea that's pretty much it.
I'm headed back to Jacksonville to visit Eileen again on MAY 10th until the 18th, that's in 7 days,
so I'm trying to get in the best shape I can, plaaaaaahahahaha. I can actually see some improvements tho (:
This is waiting for me when I get to FL... <3
it is my birthday gift from Eileen.
So I have to make sure I can fit into it, ha.
fingers are crossed.
Yeah, I have a date with my bestfriend Kims mom at 12:30 tomorrow afternoon to go to Elite.
That's my gym. We've been going together, cute huh?? (:
I need sleep, nite.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Pre-midnight boredom happens
I can't get to sleep without?
masturbating
If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be:
earrings earrings earrings
I have an irrational fear of:
ketchup
What type of food do you eat at your grandparents house?
She used to let me have ice cream for breakfast (:
What weight were you when you were born?
I have not a clue. I was born at 9:08am, I know that much!
Do you stalk anyone on myspace?
Nope, not interested
I am too old to:
wear diapers?
I can pretty much do anything else.
I find the thought of childbirth:
miraculous, but not for me
Next door to my house is:
a happy family
My feet are:
beach feet, like mike.
My preferred style of jeans is:
skinny or bootcut, plz.
I know how to cook:
breakfastttt yum.
I am annoyed at:
my messy room
Men should always:
smile
Women should never:
become dependent
What sea creature scares you?
crabies
What color hair do most of the people you are around have?
blondes and brunettes and redheads... OH MY!
What object have you broken most recently?
friendships
Name one of the Spice Girls?
Sporty Spiceee, duh!
What was the last thing to make you cry?
American Idol, haaa.
I would like to be in an advertisement for:
skateboards
What are the stems of wine glasses for?
strictly style
My favorite shoes are:
Nikes
My mothers' greatest fear is:
Seeing her children in pain.
Can you use chopsticks?
Girls got skillz
Do you prefer beaches or forests?
I love absolutely anything outdoors.
Beaches, yes!
Forests, cliffs, lakes, love em.
masturbating
If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be:
earrings earrings earrings
I have an irrational fear of:
ketchup
What type of food do you eat at your grandparents house?
She used to let me have ice cream for breakfast (:
What weight were you when you were born?
I have not a clue. I was born at 9:08am, I know that much!
Do you stalk anyone on myspace?
Nope, not interested
I am too old to:
wear diapers?
I can pretty much do anything else.
I find the thought of childbirth:
miraculous, but not for me
Next door to my house is:
a happy family
My feet are:
beach feet, like mike.
My preferred style of jeans is:
skinny or bootcut, plz.
I know how to cook:
breakfastttt yum.
I am annoyed at:
my messy room
Men should always:
smile
Women should never:
become dependent
What sea creature scares you?
crabies
What color hair do most of the people you are around have?
blondes and brunettes and redheads... OH MY!
What object have you broken most recently?
friendships
Name one of the Spice Girls?
Sporty Spiceee, duh!
What was the last thing to make you cry?
American Idol, haaa.
I would like to be in an advertisement for:
skateboards
What are the stems of wine glasses for?
strictly style
My favorite shoes are:
Nikes
My mothers' greatest fear is:
Seeing her children in pain.
Can you use chopsticks?
Girls got skillz
Do you prefer beaches or forests?
I love absolutely anything outdoors.
Beaches, yes!
Forests, cliffs, lakes, love em.
Realization
I've realized that I have so much more to realize. Actually, there won't ever be an end to realizations.
My main realization for this year was...
College, it changes you. It changed me, more than I ever thought possible.
When I look back on the past 8 months they are mostly a blur of
unforgettable memories,
oodles of pictures,
laughs jokes smiles,
heartache pain bruises,
friends to fix it all,
and many lessons learned.
The people who I encountered,
classmates teachers friends & acquaintences alike,
unknowingly forced me to become 100 percent honest with myself
as I took a rollercoaster ride in discovering my true self.
Of course there is still so much left undiscovered,
but I feel like I got off to a wonderful start.
My college friends will be lifelong friends, that is the one thing I can be sure of.
I have grown apart from some of my friends from home,
but this summer should be helpful in determining who I will keep my connections with.
Thank goodness Jak (my roommate) lives only 30 minutes away at the very most.
And Jackie & Caila are only a couple hours away.
As for those who I won't often I hope that not too much changes because I hate relying on the internet to keep in touch. It seems so unreal. I feel like that is the big reason I didn't stay as close with some of my old friends as I wish I could've, but it happens to the best of us.
Although some ties were broken I am confident and excited about spending time with some people from home who I probably wouldn't have a year ago. I look forward to it, much.
I am evolving... always.
And guess what?! So are you (:
It's tons of fun, enjoy it.
Sincerely,
C
My main realization for this year was...
College, it changes you. It changed me, more than I ever thought possible.
When I look back on the past 8 months they are mostly a blur of
unforgettable memories,
oodles of pictures,
laughs jokes smiles,
heartache pain bruises,
friends to fix it all,
and many lessons learned.
The people who I encountered,
classmates teachers friends & acquaintences alike,
unknowingly forced me to become 100 percent honest with myself
as I took a rollercoaster ride in discovering my true self.
Of course there is still so much left undiscovered,
but I feel like I got off to a wonderful start.
My college friends will be lifelong friends, that is the one thing I can be sure of.
I have grown apart from some of my friends from home,
but this summer should be helpful in determining who I will keep my connections with.
Thank goodness Jak (my roommate) lives only 30 minutes away at the very most.
And Jackie & Caila are only a couple hours away.
As for those who I won't often I hope that not too much changes because I hate relying on the internet to keep in touch. It seems so unreal. I feel like that is the big reason I didn't stay as close with some of my old friends as I wish I could've, but it happens to the best of us.
Although some ties were broken I am confident and excited about spending time with some people from home who I probably wouldn't have a year ago. I look forward to it, much.
I am evolving... always.
And guess what?! So are you (:
It's tons of fun, enjoy it.
Sincerely,
C
Sunday, February 25, 2007
warm weather < cold weather
Flordia, 2 days down, 4 to go... Greatness.
Warm, not too warm. Just right really.
No beach yet, but tomorrow's the day! woop.
FACT: Cloves aren't nearly as good in this weather.
I got everyone kicked out of the Pearl club/bar. PWNED.
But we went back to the boyf's place and smoked the best hookah I've ever smoked.
Had some real homemade moonshine, peach flavored. Deliciousness.
Drank delicious Sangria at an outside bar, so yea ballin'. HA!
73 and sunny tomorrow means Carolyn is at the beach all day.
Let's hope I can come up with some sort of color other than pastey white.
I want blueberry iced coffee, get me some... plz!?!
Mook listen to them
www.myspace.com/mookmusic
Also make fun of their ridiculous 13 yr old fans.
They are phenominal! Mook I mean, not the 13 yr old fans.
Things for me to remember: He reminds me of you.
Anne Sexton, read about her.
Warm, not too warm. Just right really.
No beach yet, but tomorrow's the day! woop.
FACT: Cloves aren't nearly as good in this weather.
I got everyone kicked out of the Pearl club/bar. PWNED.
But we went back to the boyf's place and smoked the best hookah I've ever smoked.
Had some real homemade moonshine, peach flavored. Deliciousness.
Drank delicious Sangria at an outside bar, so yea ballin'. HA!
73 and sunny tomorrow means Carolyn is at the beach all day.
Let's hope I can come up with some sort of color other than pastey white.
I want blueberry iced coffee, get me some... plz!?!
Mook listen to them
www.myspace.com/mookmusic
Also make fun of their ridiculous 13 yr old fans.
They are phenominal! Mook I mean, not the 13 yr old fans.
Things for me to remember: He reminds me of you.
Anne Sexton, read about her.
Friday, February 23, 2007
In my travels...
On the bus back to MA, oh joy.
As terribly unpleasant as its seems it really isn't all that bad; I actually enjoy the ride.
THE FOLLOWING IS A TRUE STORY:
There was a woman on the bus and she was, no lie, smoking weed and drinking bud light right in her seat. Sweet life. The bus driver didn't do anything. And she was pretty much a whore. And a racist. I was close to asking her if I could have a few rips from her bubbler, very close. Then I realized I'd probably end up with some sort of STD. I'm almost sure I got a contact high from sitting near to her. Anyways, it was an interesting ride, clearly.
I want to listen to 'Pressure' by Swollen Members right now,
but I don't have it downloaded and myspace doesn't have it. Ahhhh my life!
Boston today to stay with Court and Jan. Then early morning drive to Logan Airport, then to some airport in Cincinnati and then to Jacksonville. Wishing that I was still in Burlington with my loves!!
Hoping I can access my internet in FL. Cross your fingers for me. PLZ and TNX.
As terribly unpleasant as its seems it really isn't all that bad; I actually enjoy the ride.
THE FOLLOWING IS A TRUE STORY:
There was a woman on the bus and she was, no lie, smoking weed and drinking bud light right in her seat. Sweet life. The bus driver didn't do anything. And she was pretty much a whore. And a racist. I was close to asking her if I could have a few rips from her bubbler, very close. Then I realized I'd probably end up with some sort of STD. I'm almost sure I got a contact high from sitting near to her. Anyways, it was an interesting ride, clearly.
I want to listen to 'Pressure' by Swollen Members right now,
but I don't have it downloaded and myspace doesn't have it. Ahhhh my life!
Boston today to stay with Court and Jan. Then early morning drive to Logan Airport, then to some airport in Cincinnati and then to Jacksonville. Wishing that I was still in Burlington with my loves!!
Hoping I can access my internet in FL. Cross your fingers for me. PLZ and TNX.
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